DRAKENGARD 3 BRANCH E FREE
However nothing prepared me for what Access Games’ writers thought would be funny in this following Mikhail scene (Feel free to kill it with fire at 1:22): Teeth-grindingly annoying singing is par for the course when looking at many attempts at comedy in video games.
Scott: In case you were wondering, if you do lose the battle, you gotta listen to all that again. ♪ Doo-do doo-do doo-do doo-do doo-do doo-do doo! ♪ … ♪ Hop on my back and let’s go for a ride! ♪ ♪ I’m not a stinky dragon nor am I a dirty dragon! ♪ ♪ Doo-do doo-do doo-do doo-do doo-do doo-do doo! My name is Mikhail! My name is Mikhaiiil! ♪
DRAKENGARD 3 BRANCH E SERIES
The presentation moved into Drakengard 3’s riff on the Panzer Dragoon series where Mikhail opens up the sequence with this child-like song that Scott called “Mikhail Theater”: While Octa seems utterly repulsive, just a few short minutes of listening to Mikhail’s voice made me want to hunt him down with a pair of leather gloves and a piano wire. In Scott’s own words: I can’t tell if it’s impressive or pathetic that they thought of a completely different euphemism for penis every time he mentions it. Octa takes credit for raising the bar of the “pervy old man” trope to unspeakable heights with lines such as: “Pretty much anything will make me hard,” “I need 72 straight hours of self-pleasure before I’m ready for combat,” and “Just the sight of her love pantry was enough to make my snake spring from the can.” These masturbatory lines of self-disclosure aren’t without his litany of on the nose (I don’t want any of that near my nose) pet names for his schlong such as “sandworm”, “hobby horse” and “man banana”. But amid the subtle characterizations such as domineering Dito and submissive Decadus, the game’s resident pervert, Octa, is the conduit of all things regarding boning.
He mentions how Drakengard 3 goes out of its way to reference sex with many of its cast.
Other times she’s on a killing spree, taking as many people as she can.īut when presenting an overview of Drakengard’s colorful cast, it didn’t take long for Scott to convince me that Octa (the cowardly old man), and Mikhail (the dragon with the excruciatingly high pitch voice) are some of the most obnoxious companions anyone would have the misfortune to adventure with in a video game.ĭrakengard 3 is packed to the gills with sex talk and witless innuendos. Sometimes it’s matter of fact: Zero’s on a mission to kill her sisters and nothing’s gonna stand in her way. They can’t really seem to settle on what tone it’s pushing. Scott dissected the haphazard focus of Drakengard 3’s tone and pieced together how it performs ungraceful narrative gymnastics, jumping from one theme to another: Say what you will, but I’m sure most of us can agree that this is no masterpiece. The characterization and dialogue making up the story has fallen into the descriptive range from “nothing short of a masterpiece” and “having a unique touch” to “an incomprehensible mess” and “indulges the most juvenile elements of developer imagination”. No, I did not just break out into a Death Clock chant, those are the actual names of her five sisters. And after sitting through Scott’s presentation, I have no intention in ever playing Drakengard 3, ever.ĭrakengard 3 – released in the west on May 20 and 21 of last year on PlayStation 3 – has been received as a rather divisive action RPG that follows Zero, this installment’s proud heroine, as she’s tasked with assassinating her five Intoners, or sisters: One, Two, Three, Four, and Five. This year, Drakengard 3 was a target of their crucifixion. Many of these assessments are then compiled and presented at Genericon every year. The Con Artists, founded in 2008, have dedicated themselves over the years to warning fans about bad anime and video games, as well as championing the cream of the crop in both mediums. Upon entering the lecture hall at Genericon XXVIII, looking forward to a panel discussion on the financial, time-sensitive, and resource management trappings of game development, The Con Artists’ speaker Scott Fermeglia wasted no time with formal introductions and audience pandering he sprang right into action in The Con Artists’ Burn on Sight! Bad Games panel and delivered his dismembering argument on why I should avoid Drakengard 3 at all costs.
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